Valentine’s Geek Gifts of Lurve
Valentine’s Day maintains the reputation of being the most romantic holiday. However, the bitter taste of chalk-flavored heart candies tends to put a bad taste in the mouths of people everywhere. That’s why we’ve tunneled our way out of itchy plush bears and spiked roses to put a creative spin on gift giving. Presenting some of the most romantic gifts on the web, techie.com style.
Here’s what’s going to happen: Spend $50+ on gorgeous roses for someone special…that are going to die in two weeks. Next they’ll be thrown in the trash. There’s also a good chance someone will be sliced by thorns. After all the death and violence, the recipient may very well decide to shed the memories and cancel any courtship. That’s why a bouquet of unicorns is the obvious choice. Soft. Fluffy. Permanent. Fictional.
Sriracha Chocolate Bars
Love is a burnin’ thing. That’s why it is more preferable to set someone’s mouth ablaze than to pick up a box of Whitman’s. Generally used to enhance the flavor of noodles or cheap pizza, Sriracha lends sun-ripened chili to a mixture of dark chocolate. We like to refer to it as “fiery delicious”.
Zombie Valentine’s Day Cards
Not ready to say “I love you?” It seems like the perfect opportunity for zombies to articulate that affection with a series of grunts and moans. Many people are getting rather creeped out by drawings of cupid on cards (why is that dude always naked?). When searching for a card from the heart, this selection required zero braaaaains.
Han Solo in Carbonite Chocolate Bar
Not only is this gift a delicious treat, but it’s also a helpful reminder for a loved one to never drop their cargo at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser. Apparently the bounty hunter business has a sweet side. Maybe it’d be best to deliver this gift dressed as Boba Fett?
Pi Firejewel Necklace
We think this gift will impress 3.14159 times more than a heart symbol. The necklace features a small LED light that gives off a soft glow. For someone who loves numbers, this gift could shed some light on the equation of love. Just don’t forget to show the work.
Nothing like a small collection of fragrances with memories attached to the scents to make people feel feelings. This elegant selection includes Waffles, Play-Doh, Sushi, Marshmallow, Paperback, Sanrio, Firefly, Earl Grey Tea, and Thunderstorm scents. Our staff believes that only thing better than a loving significant other, is a loving significant other who smells like waffles.
Super Mario Plush
Teddy bears stopped being adorable after someone invented video games. We nominate the world’s most recognizable plumber for executive vice president of cuddle related activities. The Tanooki suit is a big upgrade from the Walgreen’s stuffed selection at 11pm, February 13th. Just saying.